Do you really have to love yourself?
Do you even have to love yourself? Do you have to look in the mirror and think that you're beautiful? Should our ultimate goal be to love ourselves?
In the latest episode of small steps to self-love, I talked about the concept of self-love vs self-like vs self-acceptance, comparison, and more.
This episode
If you're in a place of hating yourself or disliking yourself, of being unaccepting of yourself, then the word ‘love’ could feel very very far off. I don't want anyone to hear the word ‘self-love’ and feel turned away from that, to feel like you are so far away from that, you could never even fathom feeling self-love. And I've gone through phases of not liking that word either, of thinking there's no way I would ever love myself. And I know that there are self-love advocates out there who say “yes I very much love myself. I'm in love with myself”, and even still whenever I actually think about that, about saying those words about me, it feels weird. And so maybe that isn't the word that you want to use right now and that's okay.
Maybe you prefer self-acceptance. Maybe your goal is self-like. Maybe you know love is a little too strong and you just want to move toward liking yourself, to respecting yourself or accepting yourself, or just enjoying your own company.
There are lots of ups and downs when it comes to self-acceptance or self-like. Ups and downs are normal. There will be days where we feel like we are making a lot of progress and we are becoming more confident, doubting ourselves less, insulting ourselves less, accepting ourselves more and then the next day we're back to critiquing ourselves, to being down about who we are or what we look like or whatever it is.
We have to remember that we aren't seeing the full experience of everyone. We have to remember that our journey is our own and that each day is different and not be hard on yourself. Give yourself grace on those days where you don't like yourself, where you are judging yourself a lot or critiquing everything you do. Tomorrow is a new day.
Small step
For this episode’s small step, I want you to write a letter to yourself starting with the phrase “to the person I am today”. Write out the doubts that you're having and write a promise at the end to treat yourself better. It might feel a little weird to do but that's okay, we're stepping out of our comfort zones. It's all part of the growth journey.
If you don't like to write or you don't want to write, you can say it out loud. If you're someone who kind of needs accountability for things like this, you could write it down and share it with a close loved one. You can also visit the Youtube video for this episode and share it in the comments there, send me a DM, or share a post on Instagram and tag me. I would love to read your promise to yourself and cheer you on as we're all on this journey together.
Questions from readers
What do you do when your feelings are too big and you shut down making it hard to communicate your needs?
Whenever I couldn’t share my feelings out loud, I always turned to writing, which I think is a great short-term strategy. I know whenever I'm upset or I'm going through something, my mind is very jumbled and it's hard for me to think straight and process how I'm feeling and so writing can be a great way to do that. I do think it's really important to talk to someone whether that is family or friends or you are able to go to counseling or whatever it is you need to do or whatever you feel comfortable with but I do think that writing it out first can really help you get your feelings across, and get your feeling straightened out.
How should I respond if someone tells me that I do not need help and that I just want attention?
This question makes me a little sad because I’ve never understood the mentality that people who are depressed or anxious or sad are seeking attention and not actually in need of help.
If there is someone in your life who's telling you that, have a serious talk with them about how that makes you feel. I would say you don’t need attention but you would like someone to talk to about it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a normal thing to want. The other option is ignoring them and knowing that they might not be the best person to talk with about mental health related stuff and to find someone else you can talk to about it.
Where to listen
listen to the full podcast episode to hear everything that was discussed, and hear me read a poem from my bestselling book, changing with the tides!
tune into my podcast by visiting the links below, or stream on your favorite podcast sites like apple podcasts, spotify, and more.
If you have any questions for me that I can answer in future episodes or you have any topic requests please leave me a voice message here, leave a comment or review on your favorite podcast platform like Apple Podcasts or Youtube, or send me a DM on Instagram.
Remember that the journey to self-love takes time, but we’re all on this journey together.